Feeling nostalgic...

So I just discovered an old journal, in which I wrote one entry. It is probably the most recent journal that I have, but never really wrote in. The one entry is from July 2007. And I thought it was funny and weird how much things have changed, and how some things have not. So I am going to type it up because I found it interesting :]

"I live in a world of reality and fiction. A whirlwind of family, friends, dance, and school occupies my everyday activities. However, in my spare time, I turn to fiction. An alternate reality that is my own. I love to view others' problems and lives that distract me from my own. I am obsessed with Gilmore Girls. I could watch every episode countless times. When you watch a show so much, their world seems real. I have to remind myself that Stars Hollow does not exist. I guess that is what the show accomplishes so well is an in-depth concept of reality that can be translated onto the TV screen. Friendships and loves that are present in the show do exist. Somewhere. Personalities can be as weird and zany as those of the characters in Stars Hollow. Being able to watch the amazing relationships over seven years of seasons makes one feel as if they know the characters, who in reality, do not even exist. Yet, I still cry during Rory's valedictorian speech or when Luke and Lorelai kiss for the first time. I love them. Even if they aren't real.

Reading. It is my escape to any world, any time, any life. I don't know what I would do without it.

I am finally out of the hospital. One week. A long week. I turned seventeen there. And I became stronger. I feel as if I can conquer anything now since I loved through that struggle. That's what everyone doesn't understand. Liz said, 'Why were you so happy?" She expected me to be sad. Sad that I am on crutches. Sad that I do not know when the feeling in my leg will come back. Sad that I am on steroids. Sad that I am on a restricted diet. Sad that I am stuck with this unbelievably scary and horrible disease. But I am not sad. I've accepted it. I am happy to be home. And I was happy to spend a night with my friends. Because they make life worth it :]

Right now I have a goal. Do well in school. Be involved. Succeed. Get into college. That is success. But after that, what do I do? What do I work towards? I will work, hopefully as an English teacher. And the years will pass by. What is the point? I don't see the goal. Where is the success? What is success? And what if I fail any of these things? I don't think that I can accept anything less than perfect. and the fact that perfection does not exist does not help my case. If perfection is unachievable, how can I go through such methods to get it if it doesn't exist? I try so hard but someone will always be better, prettier, smarter. I try so hard. I always come up short. Or my hard work and effort goes unnoticed. I put so much time into my hair and my clothes, yet I haven't even had my first kiss yet. Why? What separates me from everyone else? Why I am I in the loser category, with my friends, even my own sister, on the other side? Not that I really want a boyfriend. I am perfectly content without one. But I am not content without the choice not to have one. There hasn't even been an opportunity to decide if I want one. Not that I am not attracted to guys. I'm just not that interested. I have more important things to worry about. I am modest. I don't wear thongs or really low shirts. I look young for my age and barely wear make-up. I would never dress like a slut just to get a guy's attention. Or be insanely flirtatious with every male I see. If no one likes me from how I act everyday, then they are not worth it. It makes me wonder, will I ever feel adored? We will just have to wait and see.

<3 Karissa"

Then I listed my friends. I am assuming they are in some type of order, boy, things have changed:

"Meg Liz Kaela Laura Becky Jess Beth Kristen Emily Charlene Xela"

Oh wow. Life three years ago was just different. But it is nice to look back :]